Fitness

H & F: Obstacles and Booze

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

As human beings it is within our nature to often have things happen upon us and then provide a reaction to the event as opposed to happening upon the things outside of us or being the event. We have a choice though, it doesn’t have to be this way. I can live my life reacting to the negative consequences of being passive, I can live in anger at others or myself, I can be defeated, self loathing and manipulated, or I can choose to affect the things around me. I can shift the paradigm. I can actually EVOKE positive change, I can INSPIRE it, or I can sit around and hope that it just happens. Too often in my life, I’ve been the latter. Now I’ll use these worn out, calloused, beaten up hands to move the broken paradigm from my path and begin the journey towards real change, and real joy, and real accomplishment.

I like the word journey. It’s active. It’s both a noun and a verb. And it seems permanent and ever changing at the same time. I’d like to define, for the purposes of this blog, “Action” of any kind as a “Journey.” Any action that we undertake is a journey of varying length, purpose and determination. And every journey that we undergo has a varying amount of obstacles which present themselves in infinite forms, and degrees of difficulty through which to overcome. Our degrees of success in any journey is determined by the efficiency and finesse with which we have overcome obstacles, the level of true joy that we obtain (We’ll get into what I mean by “True Joy” later), and the permanence of the rewards.

I’m a drinker. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism defines the safe limits of drinking as, “For women, low-risk drinking is defined as no more than 3 drinks on any single day and no more than 7 drinks per week. For men, it is defined as no more than 4 drinks on any single day and no more than 14 drinks per week.” Most of the people I know, myself included, far exceed these numbers. I have exceeded these numbers regularly for years. I’ve never considered myself a raging alcoholic, I don’t wake up in the morning and crave alcohol, I stick mostly to low ABV beers, I’m still a productive member of society, I pay my bills, I rarely drink at home or alone, I haven’t slipped into illegal drug addiction, I’m never belligerent, I’ve never been in a fight, yada yada yada yada. I have however spent thousands of dollars a year on alcohol consumption, browned/blacked out more times than I can guess, had hundreds of terribly lethargic mornings and hangovers, and I have never felt all that good about any of it. It has never brought me “True Joy.”

In most of the larger journeys in my life that I am still in the midst of (Physical Fitness, Path to Joy, Mental Health, Career Accomplishments, Activism, Writing More, Traveling More, etc…) the one obstacle that I can’t seem to forego, even when I can see the clear road on the other side of it is my alcohol consumption. It’s a thicket of bristles and thorns, it injects addictive nectars into my flesh. What’s on the other side of it? More energy, more time, more creativity, more meaningful relationships, a whole lot more money and savings, more travel, more joy, more inspiration, health.

Over the next few entries I’ll be breaking down the elements of the thicket. What makes it tick? What are its weaknesses? How do I overcome it? Where did it come from in the first place? Where are the cracks in the paradigm through which I observe it? What are the excuses?

Feel free to comment below with your own thoughts on the thicket of alcohol consumption. Only a true idiot thinks he can grow alone.

 

WHO WANTS IT!!?? THE IDEALS

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

“What is grand is necessarily obscure to weak men. That which can be made explicit to the idiot is not worth my care.”  – William Blake

Well, thank you, William Blake. Not sure how I feel about this quote considering that I am a self prescribed “Idiot,” but there is something about it that challenges me beyond the scope of my own vision, which is exactly why I am drawn to it. And therefore, now we must embark on the ideals of this journey:
The Big’uns:
Before we explore the three primary topics in which I hope to be less dumb in, I’d like to paint you a picture of the ideal future me, and maybe you can relate to that ideal, and maybe you can’t.
Now introducing the future me:
Hi there! My name is ________, I spend most of my time in constant pursuit of further knowledge and understanding of the world around me; the people, the problems and how to solve them, how to love more, how to be kinder, how to be more understanding. I recognize that this is a journey that does not end but I’ve always enjoyed the journey more than finding some kind of comfortable ending.
I’ve found a place in my life where I am happy with who I am. I feel no need to be self conscious or worried about what others think about me; I do, however, recognize the thoughts of others and take them into account in my own personal development. You see, just because I have found joy, it doesn’t mean that the hunt is over, on the contrary, the relentless traverse of life is a huge source of that joy.
I am disciplined yet free, I am well thought out yet spontaneous, I am rich of heart and spirit yet humble, I am driven but not afraid to stop and take a photograph of something beautiful, I’ve seen the world with an open heart not as an American but as a member of the global community, I’m healthy and flexible, I’ve held many people in my arms and have cried with many… I do not fear death because I do not need to. I am energy, I am interconnected with the universe. I am free.
Health and Fitness – The Ideal
  • Preventative: I’m 36 now. I’m not Superman anymore. It’s time to pack up the cape and take some preventative measures with regards to my health. I need to shift the paradigm from thinking about my choices with my body from, “Oh, my body can handle it,” to, “What does my body really need to be happy.” The ideal me goes to the doctor before issues arise. He knows what is valuable nutritionally and physically. He knows how to keep his mind and spirit from deteriorating in stressful situations. He is aware in advance of the consequences of both good and bad choices with his health. He is an investigator of all things health.
  • Nutritionally: There’s a huge part of me that knows how great it feels to eat well, regardless of the added benefits of weight loss/control and preventing disease, it feels good to have my body be happy with me; I have more energy, no discomfort, the appropriate chemicals are released allowing me to feel joyful. On the other side, there’s the IDIOT in me who, on occasion, can’t walk past the Burger King on the corner without “Needing” some chicken fries, knowing full well that I was going to feel like shit immediately after. What is the definition of insanity? Repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result? Yeah, pretty sure that’s it. I want to rid myself of the latter paradigm that says, “I think I like eating fast food, smoking, drinking excessively, putting cheese on everything, being bloated, terrible pooping, lethargy, hangovers, smokers cough, lung disease, liver failure, early demise and just being overall miserable. Yeah pretty sure it’s worth it. Wait, what were the benefits?”
  • Fitness: The one is a little more elusive. The reality is that I just want to always feel good about myself. Last year at this time I saw myself as a piece of shit physically, I got upset when I saw myself in the mirror, my fitness caused me emotional stress that then played against my mental health. That’s changed a lot but I’m not sure it’s because I’ve lost some weight. I feel better about my weight, yes, but it’s not the source of my comfort, the source of my comfort is knowing that I’m capable of committing to something that’s tough and allowing it to permeate my life and become a source of joy. I see myself at the gym, running and playing well into old age, I didn’t see that before. So as far as goals go, I get my nutrition in balance, my sleeping, my time management, my spiritual and mental health, I’ll be that guy 20 years from now signing up for Mud Races and Triathlons and playing tag football with the neighborhood kids (Or maybe my own, we’ll see about that one).
  • Mental Health: 2015 was the worst year of my life. It started with devastating news on January 1st of 2015 at about 3am and just didn’t stop. My depression was at an all time high. I couldn’t cross a bridge without considering what would have happened if I’d jumped in the Chicago River. I truly believe that beginning this blog may have saved my life. It forced me to be honest about my own value in the world, what I was capable of, and who I am at the essence. Yes, I fuck up regularly, I fear conflict, I have no idea how to end relationships or start new ones, I don’t stand up for what I believe enough, I’m terrible at a lot of things, but I learned how to see my shortcomings as jumping-off points for progress as opposed to excuses to feel sorry for myself. 2016, though shitty in many aspects (RIP Prince, Bowie, Wilder, Fisher, Democracy and so on), but for me, it was a year of emotional growth and mental well-being. My depression has rarely peaked out from my subconscious. So the ideal is this: To be an emotionally mature, empathetic, thoughtful, growing and joyful person. If someone were to define the future me, I want them to say, “Oh my, he’s just so full of joy, he shares it with everyone.”
  • Spiritual Health: I want to be a simpler human being. I don’t mean that in mind, but in desire. I want to stop confusing what I want with what I actually need. I don’t know that I ever need to identify as a Buddhist but I want to come pretty damn close. Could you imagine the joy and contentment you could experience and spread if you could change the paradigm of superficial value in your life? Where instead of focusing on the temporary pleasures of life you could focus on the true, lasting beauty of nature and human existence.
Personal Finance
I mentioned in a recent post how I had watched a documentary called The Minimalists, and how a concept in that documentary stood out to me, the concept of only purchasing things in life that have true value to the quality of my life. This is the paradigm that I want my financial life to be lived through.
Over the past five days I have quit drinking, not necessarily indefinitely but for the moment I am hitting the reset button on that aspect of my life, it was becoming a problem and it needed some attention so I shifted the paradigm. I say this not as a comment on my health or alcoholism but as an example of purchasing as a means of adding value. A nice beer on occasion amongst friends seems like a purchase of value in our culture, but I had been medicating, or in fear of missing out on something. The result was late nights, hang overs, meeting people who couldn’t add value to my life, and so on, the detrimental elements of excessive drinking are endless and in much the way of having some chicken fries, I never felt good after.
Now, when I look at drinking financially, I would spend an average of $50 a night for 5-6 days a week on shitty beer. That’s $250 a week. $1000 a month. After 5 days of not drinking, I had the money I needed to buy a plane ticket to visit friends in Mexico City for 10 days. One purchase (A 7 days of beer); a week of brown-outs, lethargy, sure the occasional laugh, but the hangovers, Jesus, the hangovers. Another purchase (10 days with friends in a foreign land): Valuable! Valuable! Valuable! An experience I will never forget. Friends to cherish it with. The hands-on experience of a different culture for the first time in my life. The options seems clear.
Purchases that are valuable and serve a greater purpose.
As far as budgeting and bills go… I just want to be that guy that gets it all done. I’m pretty close but there’s always work to do.
Arts and Activism
I want the 3 d’s. Drive, Determination and Discipline. I want the drive to create and actively seek out artistic endeavors that enrich me as a human being and an activist. The determination to face failures as challenges to succeed and the discipline to wake up everyday and make it all happen again and again.
I have a lot of dreams that never go further than my bedside table. That needs to change and I start with discipline.
The ideal me is an always evolving poet, writer, performer, feminist, activist, seeker of social justice, advocate, volunteer, protestor, voter, and educated in the lives of people who live from a different perspective of life than I do. I want to listen. I don’t want to be self-serving. I want to keep my ego as far from it all as possible. I want to help facilitate a dialogue in the issues facing our country and our world at large. I don’t want to feel like I need my name or face on anything because I want to truly believe that it’s simply my responsibility in being part of this beautifully diverse community.

 

That’s it for today. You may be wondering, “When do the 30 Days start?” They already have. There’s no New Years Resolution, there’s no start date, and definitely no ending date. Every single day is an opportunity to shift the paradigm. Namaste.

Look for 3 entries a week. Thanks for reading.

Changing the Lens: The Plan Part 2

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

“No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.” – Marilyn Ferguson

Why do I write a blog? For me and me alone, there is no altruism, at least not here. I write it for reflection. I write it to stimulate desire, as a source of motivation, to create a sense of danger and vulnerability. Why do I share it with you? I want to be accountable, failures and all. I want a place of confession. Perhaps I want to inspire. but more so than any other purpose, this blog is for this guy right here. Take from that what you will and read it, if for no other reason but to act as priest(postal-scales-1-smalless) to my meandering confessions.

Going back to the Paradigm Shift. In Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I have already found a gem, a new lens through which to instigate personal change. He calls it the “P/PC Balance”: P = Product, PC = Production Capabilities. Now before you start thinking of this formula as seemingly financial in theory The term product/production tends to evoke a business sense), try to see it as a formula that works for all aspects of human independent and interpersonal relationship. It is a scale that, tipped to far in either way, will completely destroy the functioning abilities of the scale itself.

For example, in personal health, I think of my heart as the source of my Production Capability (PC) and my ability to exist in the world as my Product (P). Because my heart is in working order I am able to enjoy the extravagance that life can offer; I can eat food that I enjoy, I can have drinks with friends, I can travel, I can spend time with family, I can make a living, I can enjoy my favorite TV shows. These are the products of a working heart. Now say, I spend all my time enjoying and focusing on the products but never spend any time on making sure that my heart is healthfully maintained, now my Production Capability begins to falter, now I have less energy to enjoy the Product, and may end up having less time (another Product) to enjoy those things. I have not maintained a healthy balance between the PC and the P (Hah, PCP). Now say we tip the scale the other way and focus heavy on the Production Capability (PC). We spend all our time doing cardiovascular exercise and only spend our spare time at work. We live a long healthy life but never fully enjoy the benefits of that life, we have neglected the Product. It’s essentially the same as burying your life savings in a coffee can, never to be invested, never to be used, never to be inherited.

How does Covey’s “P/PC Balance” work in other aspects of life? How about personal relationships? Business? Finance? Love life? Creativity? Activism? Politics? You name it?

You tell me! Write some examples in the comments below. Let’s talk about it.

Now, all that Paradigm Shift, and PCP bullshit being said, what now?

Last year, I made one huge mistake and it’s fully reinforced in the title of this blog; I went for the “Get rich quick,” 30 day approach to personal change. I set short term goals that weren’t reinforced by the evolution of personal foundations; I didn’t shift any paradigms. I wanted to change superficial elements of myself that were hindering my advancement in life without attacking the the fundamentals, the foundational elements that effect the way I view the everyday aspects of life.

This time around the idea of “30 Days” is simply a frame through which I will be writing. The work will take far longer than 30 Days. This month will be a glimpse into the shifting paradigm.

The Plan: No more specific, short term goals. No more “Only eating pizza twice a week,” or, “Cutting my drinking back to special occasions,” or, “Losing this amount of weight in this amount of time.” This time, though I will set goals, the idea is as long as the paradigm continues to shift and fine tune, the we are progressing. As long as I am working towards the balance of Product versus Production Capabilities, I am successful. As long as I am chalking up failures as motivation rather than discouragement, I am winning.

Below is the foundations for a plan of the human being that I would like to work towards being in three specific slivers of my life; Health/Fitness, Finance and Art/Activism. It is detailed in terms of Production Capability (PC), Product (P) and the consequences of Imbalance (I). The goals I will set in the next post are timeless goals, they will always be evolving, always improving, and always working toward a better quality and longevity of life.

Health/Fitness:

Diet:

  1. PC: I spoke of this last year when I mentioned that I had never truly listened to my body before. My body is my Production Facility, I have no product without it. It constantly speaks to me in varying degrees whether in agreement or disagreement, and I often choose to ignore it when it disagrees with me and it is to my own peril to do so. My paradigm shift here for the start is to recognize that within each choice I make with my diet, there are consequences in the product of that choice whether good or bad. Everything I put into my body speaks to it in a particular way, I need to learn that language and apply it.
  2. P: The Products of positive communication with my body: More energy, less stress, weight loss, better heart function, better digestive function (Yep, pooping gets better), better brain function including increased memory and focus, higher self confidence (Harder to feel confident when you’re bloated, trust me), increased stamina and endurance, fine tuned fitness prep, etc.
  3. I: Results of imbalance are: Less energy, more stress, weight gain, higher risk of heart disease and many other health problems, BAD POOPING EXPERIENCES, lower self esteem, depression, lethargy, laziness, etc. Or if I put too much focus on the PC then I can never enjoy FroYo or the occasional slice of pizza, etc…

Physical Fitness:

  1. PC: My body is my factory. Since last year this is one of the few areas that I stuck to though not as consistently as it was at the start it is still something I consciously have made a part of my life and that I have come to enjoy. The one hinderance to the advancement of my physical fitness is a poor relationship with time that is a result of sleep issues that likely stem from alcohol use and an over active brain.
  2. P: Increased confidence, decrease in episodes of depression, more active sex drive, a stronger heart, heightened endurance and stamina, I can carry heavy shit, less likely to get jumped, heightened serotonin, endorphins are released, etc…
  3. I:Weight gain, lowered self confidence, less strength and stamina, you get the point, it’s just the opposite of all the stuff I wrote above. If I focus too heavily on the PC here, I risk injury, I may miss out on other, more social activities, people might call me a meathead (That’s a no-go for me).

Mental Health:

  1. PC: This includes my spirit and my mind. As a person who deals with depression this is a particular important Production Capability that seems to live in an abstraction and is therefore incredibly delicate and incredibly vital to the support of all other aspects of my life, in and out of topic within this blog.
  2. P: Simply Joy.
  3. I: Simply the lack of Joy
  4. Note: If my Mental/Spiritual Health is in balance, all else becomes cake, like REEEAAAALLLLY GOOOOOD CAKE, like the best cake you’ve ever had but it’s also healthy. We’ll talk more about this one in a later post.

Finance:

Income:

  1. PC: My PC here is my job. I work in the service industry and this seems to provide fairly well in terms of money but it also has its shortcomings which lead into all other aspects of my personal development. The question here is whether or not it is beneficial to continue in this industry or to seek other ways of producing money. I find that as the paradigm shifts in other elements the need for money somewhat decreases (i.e. Money spent on alcohol). However if I were able to continue in this industry while my paradigms continue to shift, I will have created the means to find enjoyment in so many other levels of life.
  2. P: Cash on hand, friendships, the ability to find financial stability, a sense of autonomy and independence, a social environment.
  3. I: So many imbalances are possible here; drink too much, anger, sleep imbalances, limited outside social contact (The only friends I really see are those I work with), and so many more.

Expenses:

  1. PC: Strangely enough the PC here is determined by my income but results in my ability to live life in a comfortable manor. I recently watched a Documentary on Netflix titled, The Minimalists, and they discussed the idea of questioning purchases (which include data plans, clothes, movies, bills, etc.) by asking yourself this simple question, “Will this add or take away value from my life?” So that question is where I start with my Production Capability is the ability of whatever it is that I decide to purchase to add value in my life (This is the balanced side) or detract value in my life (This the imbalanced). The more I understand what truly adds value to my life the greater the paradigm will shift and ultimately I will save more money than I spend.
  2. P: Greater sense of self worth, freedom, less fear, heightened contentment, greater likelihood of travel and enriching experience, better support to reach other goals, etc…

Art/Activism:

I want to find a way to put these two concepts at the forefront of my human action and interaction. I suspect that it may fall into place as a result of the shifting paradigms in Personal Health/Fitness and Finance but I intend to keep a finger to the pulse of the changing tide as I research some volunteer possibilities and manage my time in order to further pursue my artistic endeavors. I need to create the foundation on which a whole new system can live here. I’m not sure what it looks like yet, and it will be a learning experience but expect to see some big ideas coming in this department soon.

 

So that’s it for today. Getting my shit together is going to be tough, deep tissue work but my sleeves are rolled up and I got my get-dirty jeans on so let’s turn it up.

30 Days and I’m Still a Complete Idiot: The Reprise

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

Hey Friends! I’m still here! Let’s get some shit done am I right!?race_1851_photo_35885347

It’s been nearly a year since I started this blog and about ten months since I stopped writing this blog but I find it calling out to me. I find it screaming, “YOU STILL FUCKING NEED ME!” I don’t know if it’s accountability or a relentless desire to expose myself but it’s summoned me and here I am.

If you’re new to my blog it goes like this: I use 30 days to try and change a lifestyle which is deeply ingrained. Last year it was directly based in physical and mental fitness, bad choices influenced from working in the service industry, food consumption and a touch of personal finance. I chronicle my journey, miserable failures and all, and you get to go on the crazy exciting ride with me. So here’s a progress report:

Fitness

  • Physical: I’ve lost between 15 and 20 pounds which puts me right around the ideal weight for a man of my height. I still frequent the gym though I’ve had small hiatuses along the way. I ran the Tough Mudder in May with a team of three coworkers and slayed it. I ran a half marathon without walking once in October. All and all I’ve done pretty good and can say that I’ve made my physical fitness a priority and habitual. That being said, I still have a few goals to reach and many of them are directly related to some of the problem areas that I intend to work on for this 30 Days. Also, *cough*cough*, I started smoking again. “NOOOOOOOO!”
  • Mental: As an individual who battles with depression, I’ve had a reasonably good year sans a few issues related to our current political climate (Which we’ll avoid for the time being). There are, and always will be, areas to improve. I’ll go into those and all other goals in the next post.
  • Nutrition: Kinda fell off the wagon with this one and it has a lot to do with being in the service industry, you know with all the shift drinks and easily accessible pizzaaaaaaa. We’re gonna nip this one in the bud this time, it’s life or death at this point, at least it feels like it is. I will say, however, that I’m still eating better than I was last year when I had McDonalds for Christmas dinner.
  • Spiritual: I’ve read more literature but still feel a little displaced in my spiritual life; again I believe this has to do with many of my other habits that seem to be roadblocking me from the kind of focus it takes to be the spiritual being that I want to be.

Finance

  • Not so good. Still a total idiot. Shit. Gonna put a lot more focus on this one this time around.

For this 30 Days I’m going to be hitting three topics, each of them detailed here once a week for a total of three posts a week. 1) Health & Fitness including Nutrition, Spiritual and Mental Health. 2) Personal Finance. 3) Art & Activism, a new section dealing with educating myself and becoming a more active member of both artistic and social justice based communities.

We’ll start in the next post with Identifying Goals, both long term and short term, we’ll follow that by Identifying the Roadblocks, those that can eliminated and those which are permanent, then we’ll define a pathway in ways both direct and indirect, and finally we’ll implement the master plan.

Self Destruct Sequence Initiated in 3… 2… 1… Wait!

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

Life is a fight. It’s a big hairy, gruesome, vicious fight and you know what… I’m gonna win.

Last we met I was endeavoring into my 30 Days of Financial Bullshit. Where am I now? Struggling. My vices are still too active, my focus is waning and I’m still a complete idiot. I’m in a hole and I’m clawing my way out. But if you know anything about me you know that my being an idiot is the first step to my being a complete human. Ere go…

Financially… In the same routine as I’m always in but with a little extra money set aside in two investment accounts.

Physically… running almost daily. I can do a 5 mile run now without much stress or fatigue. I imagine with a little more training I could do a half marathon pretty easily. This commitment is something that stuck from the first 30 Days. Still frequent the gym though I’m a little less organized about my workouts (Something to work on). Food is another story; I move in and out of healthy eating as quickly as children move from one toy to the next.

Mentally… Hanging on. Somewhat of a crisis at the moment. Lacking in motivation. Depression is evident but not overwhelming. Trying to find balance again. One thing I know is that when I was eating better, drinking less and staying active I found joy so much easier. So… yeah… it’s annoying that I somehow choose things that don’t promote joy. Fight the good fight Joseff.

All said, I’m alive and thinking of ways to move forward. I’m seeking knowledge and positive change. And I still eat too much pizza. I’m an idiot but I’m smart as hell too.

 

Day 1: Financial Dum-Dum

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

Investigating the source. There is something inherent in my essence that leads me away from productivity. It’s a kind of lethargy that makes basic tasks feel like I’m dredging through a bog. This is in sharp contrast to the way I feel when I am being productive which presents a freak-of-nature kind of conundrum. When leading a productive life I feel true joy, my body is in its right place and so is my heart and spirit, but when I feel this lethargic shadow creep over me, it all inverts and I find myself wishing I was productive again. I need to identify the source and beat the crap out of it.

So, the above being said, today’s post will be a short one. I am finding it hard to focus on my goals and need to meditate on my shortcomings in order to really make this work.

What I will say is this about my financial journey: I have started two separate investment accounts, one with Acorns (An app that rounds up your purchases to the next dollar and automatically puts that amount into a diversified investment account), and the other with Betterment (An app that you can set up a recurring transfer to and design investment accounts around your personal goals). With Acorns, which I actually set up a couple of months ago, I have already made $10 in interest on a relatively small amount of money and I’m using it to save towards traveling out of the country. With Betterment I have a $15 dollar per week recurring deposit aimed to create a 6 month security savings of $6,000; of course I will have to deposit more than $15 a week but I’m starting slow to see how it works. Also, with Betterment, I can link my other accounts, like Acorns, to it and it monitors them to make sure that they aren’t over charging me in fees and that I’m making a reasonable amount in interest.

So, I’m still a lethargic dum-dum but at least I did something.

Full transparency: If you click on the Acorns link here or above and you open an account with through that link, it’ll put $5 extra bucks in my Acorns account. Of course you can just go to Acorns.com and do it without the invite but, hey, I figured we could stick it to the man together right.

That’s it for today. Here’s a couple short term savings goals to close out on:

  • Bi-annual trip to California to see family: $800 each trip or $1600 per year. Meaning, I have to save $133 dollars per month, or about $300 less than what I used to spend on cigarettes each month (That really puts things in perspective right?).
  • Race Entry Fees: Usually about a $150 each race and I’d like to at least 3 per year s $450 per year. About $38 per month.

Thanks for reading. Join Acorns. Acorns. Acorns. Acorns. Acorns.

One Week Left: Karma

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

“Many children believe there are monsters in their closets so they hide from them, they never approach them and therefore don’t understand the usefulness of a closet. Our suffering is much the same. Approach it, investigate it, understand it, and then hang your clothes on it, and maybe an accessory rack from Ikea to keep your personal thingys in.”

Previous Post

Let’s just be square, I don’t like saying, “One Week Left,” because it’s not totally the truth. If you remember back when we started this whole journey together, you’ll remember that this wasn’t about SURVIVING 30 days but USING 30 days for transformation. So, in reality, no, not “One Week Left,” but a lifetime left. Some things from this journey may stick and others may fall away to some degree but the important thing is that I’ve learned some discipline, some humility and new ways to be in touch with reality as opposed to medicating through food, beverage and laziness.

So here is something else I’ve learned: The Energy we put into the universe is, in fact, real. I had an event happen to me a little over a year ago that left me in an emotional acid rain storm. My depression was at an all time high and I lost all sense of value and positivity, when you read the ads on the El for Clinical Studies on Depression, they could have put my picture up next to them with an arrow and a blurb saying, “Do you feel like Karmathis guy?” Yes, that’s how bad it was, but, it was also the impetus, by way of domino effect, for the joy that I am experiencing now.

In seeking an answer for the pain I felt I found Buddhism and its philosophies, I’m not going to preach about it because there is nothing to preach about, you can live within almost any religion, creed or theism and still appreciate the philosophies of the Buddha (Martin Luther King Jr. was a fan of Buddhism). Buddhism works this way because it’s not about who you worship but how you live in the world.

  • Recognizing the difference between “Need” and “Desire”.
  • Recognizing that the source of pain comes from within us.
  • Seeing the interconnectedness of the universe and therefore its beauty and ugliness as one and the same.
  • And that all energy is also connected.

Karma (or Kamma) is not as most modern Westerners understand it; Karma Chameleon and “What goes around comes around.” Karma is about the intended energy that is sent out from our beings. We live in and pass on positive energy and if we do this we leave our spiritual pores wide open to receive the same energy. It’s not about bouncing our good energy off of a back board so that we can catch it again but about living IN the positive energy so that we are prepared to receive it as it is in existence all around us at all times.

It’s hard for a depressed person to figure this out because they are so stuck in their negativity that it seems nearly impossible to squeeze out anything that resembles joy. But I promise you, (yeah you, you know who I’m talking to) it is not impossible to find joy and positivity in your life if you learn how to understand and allow your suffering. Bet you didn’t see that coming. “Allow my suffering? What the hell are you talking about Joseff?” It is exactly what it sounds like. I want you to click HEEERRRE (Wait! Not now weirdo, after you finish reading my Blog).

Think of it this way; the reason I refer to myself as “An Idiot” in the title of my Blog is not because I think I am stupid, it is because IF I hold myself as a fully functioning, fully intellectual, human being, then I have already reached my utmost potential. However, if I accept that I am, in reality, a TOTAL FREAKING IDIOT, then I have the world at my fingertips and all the information that I did not have is now a thousand times more available to me and I am a million times more likely to seek it out. The truth is, and this should provide some comfort to my fellow downers (AKA Depressed Peeps), we are all suffering, we are all in this together and JOY doesn’t hold water if we do not first accept that we suffer. When we are born, we have already begun our inevitable journeys toward death. When you are aware of your feeling, whatever it may be, take a breath and say, “I am aware of this feeling,” allow the feeling to be and to exist, observe it, face it, try and understand it without judging it and it will float on to make way for the next feeling. The more you practice this meditation (And that’s what meditation is, mindful observation), the more you will understand your feelings, and the less control they will have over your life as a whole.

Many children believe there are monsters in their closets so they hide from them, they never approach them and therefore don’t understand the usefulness of a closet. Our suffering is much the same. Approach it, investigate it, understand it, and then hang your clothes on it, and maybe an accessory rack from Ikea to keep your personal thingys in.

Understanding Karma/Kamma comes from the above mentioned place of mindful observance of self. There’s a verse in the Bible that I remember from when I was a child and it stands out to me because it seems to stand outside of religious dogma and is also a testament to the Buddhist way of thought, and it goes something like, “Don’t attempt to take the speck from your brother’s eye (MEANING OF “BROTHER”: ANYONE ELSE’S EYE!!!) until you’ve removed the plank from your own.” Understand yourself and your energy will move out into the world and affect others, you don’t really have to try, it will just happen and you’ll reap the benefits of your Karma without realizing you even needed those benefits in the first place.

Since I started this Blog, working on being better to myself, I have found that I have reaped the benefits of positive Karma without even needing them in the first place. It’s nice to be surprised.

Now, go back up and click on HEEERRRE to forego your ignorance and learn a little about Buddhism. Or if you’re just to lazy to go halfway up the page you can just click HEEERRRE instead.

Comment below and give me some ideas on what I should do for my next 30 Days With and Idiot.

Week 2.5: Serendipity

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

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I apologize for my tardiness for this post. The truth is that my schedule is going through an evolution; at first every moment was planned out, and now that habits are beginning to form, and self value is increasing, my spontaneity is finding its right place in my life, right between “planned” and “Oh shit, that was dumb.”

That being said, here’s what’s going on:

The Gym: A place that started as a source of anxiety has now become a place of peace and refuge. I’m now half way through my third week of weight training and the aches and pains have become more livable, I’m seeing and feeling noticeable gains and losses in the right ways, I’m feeling stronger and more durable. But most of all, and this is important, I’m just feeling an overall sense of comfort, I feel in place and more prepared to deal with anxiety than ever before.

Food: Food is also becoming easier, I’m trying new clean foods that are going over successfully, I’m finding variety and flavor to be totally accessible within my new lifestyle of eating, and that even when I do head outside of my boundaries for a meal (I hate calling it a “Cheat” meal because this is not a “Diet” this is an awareness) I still make choices that are in concern for my ultimate health and wellness.

Drinking: So, the original plan was to limit myself to drinking only twice a week but that has led to a conundrum that I’m having to deal with. Since I’ve been drinking less, I’m finding it more and more that I don’t really care to drink all that much at all, and therefore my brain is telling me that those “2 Days of Drinking” are requirements as opposed to allowances. This, and the fact that I am drinking less and am becoming a light weight, leads to evenings of, getting-it-out-of-the-way mentality, which leads to the very reasons I wanted to stop drinking in the first place; late nights, affected memory, over sleeping, lethargy, etc.

So, to fix the aforementioned conundrum, I am going to try drinking as an “occasion.”

Let’s define this: An “Occasion” is such that the value of it is an abnormality in nature. It can not be defined as repetitious, such as Friday or a birthday, nor without permanent effect, such as someone’s last day at work or an Oscar viewing party. It can be defined as an event unprecedented and unrivaled that warrants the merit of true celebration. However, the above definition does not require consumption nor does it encourage it. “Necessity” and “Drinking” must never be partnered in theory or action unless the “Drinking” in question is the healthy consumption of water. Bam. Dropped the mic. This theory begins today.

 

Here’s the fun part… Life in general: 6 months ago, if I had been thrown the curve balls that I had been thrown this last week, I would be drinking right now, I would be upset, I would blame myself, and I would not be living a joyful life. I won’t go into the details but I will say this; Serendipity.

“Serendipity,” thank you Mr. Horace Walpole for this wonderful, skipping, word. It starts with an unvoiced gentle “hiss” like the steam coming from the morning tea kettle, slowly awakening the senses, and ends with a playful triad of alveolar and bilabial plosives that make it so much fun to say (Thank you International Phonetic Alphabet); Serendipity. Serendipity. Serendipity! SERENDIPITY! It means, “Fortunate Happenstance.” It’s very rare in life that we look at events and refer to them as “Serendipitous,” in fact, every time I use the word I have to remind myself what it means, just to be sure I’m using it correctly. However, it occurs to me that to experience “Serendipity” one must be available to experience it. I’m reminded of a quote that I’ve used many times in my writing, paraphrased it is, “We spend so much time looking at the doors of happiness that have been closed to us that we fail to see the ones that have been opened.” That was Helen Keller. Serendipity has to be noticed, it is a “Happenstance”, but if we don’t see it, or choose not to accept it, it is gone and we are left hoping for another one to arrive. Oh, we ARE so tragic, but we can’t make excuses for relishing in our tragedy and failing to see the opportunities that make themselves available to us on a whim.

The tough moments that I have had to face in my life, the events of this previous week, they have no intentions, they are not human in presence of mind, body or spirit, they are abstract events; they are not tragedy, or suffering, or peace, or joy, or disdain, or indifference, or even tangible, these are my own inventions and I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that I get to choose, that I am in power.

Don’t Tell Me What to Do!

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

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4 days into my second week and I’m still going strong. Noticing differences in my body, the weight training is getting a little easier, I have more endurance in my cardio exercise  and I’m finding new, exciting ways to prep my foods so I don’t get too bored with my meals. Also, I’m sleeping. Yay.

So as far as the habits go, there’s really not too much to report so let’s talk a little about some of the things that got me into the unhealthy lifestyle I was living in the first place:

I’m f###### stubborn. I don’t like being told what to do, what to like, who to like, how to handle my problems, what kind of sauce I should have with my McNuggets, or anything else. This has always been a part of me. The problem here is negotiating with myself as to when this mentality is useful and when I need to buck up and be a little more agreeable.

I tried something similar to this about a year ago but I did it to prove myself to someone else… guess what… didn’t work. Perhaps the way some of you out there in WWW land work but it’s definitely not the way I work. Eventually I realized that in “being healthy” to prove something to someone else, I had relinquished control and as much as I wanted to hold on to the healthy lifestyle it was gradually becoming unimportant because it had been chosen FOR me by circumstance.

So I slid back into a lifestyle I wasn’t really happy with but at least, to me, it was mine. Eventually I had to come to grips with the fact that it was not, in fact, my lifestyle, but that I was a slave to very powerful and covert forces that were dictating nearly all of my choices in all aspects of life. Service industry people; Have you ever found yourself wanting to get cut (Let out of work) earlier so you can sit at the bar and have your shift drink earlier? Have you ever snuck in that pre-shift beer hour, hoping to reduce the stress? Have you worked at a place that has a “Team Meeting” (When the staff meets in hiding for a shot)?

These habits are the one places in the lives of stubborn, “don’t tell me what to do,” kinds of people in which they will relinquish control. We make excuses for the choices we make; it’s Friday, it’s Tom’s last night, Sarah’s birthday, there’s a Bulls game on, there’s any sporting event on, it’s Tuesday, I had a rough day, I had a great day, I just need to get out, Mark’s gonna be there, they have a great special tonight, I saw a puppy and it made me sad that I can’t have a puppy in my apartment so now I need a drink. The reality that we need to face is that we are giving up control to something that isn’t even of rational thought, alcohol is not qualified to give us life advice, but somehow, when a friend tries to give us a suggestion about anything at all, us stubborn people become annoyed and rebel against suggestion, even if it’s good for us.

I’m still going to be a little stubborn though I’m working on it, but now I’m redistributing that energy so that it covers my relationships with my bad habits. I don’t want to be a slave to anything.

Reinforcing my reinfocement!!! Inevitably, in every circle of drinkers that I have spent time with and around there is that one person who actually makes you sad. They give you a window into what it must look like to have fully lost control of your will. He’s the guy that’s 23 but you thought was 37. He seems to be at every bar, every time you go out. Blacking out is a source of pride for this person.

Now, let’s be clear, I’ve always been the barroom philosopher, the guy that no one can tell is drunk when he actually reaches that level. Blacking out didn’t happen often, though browning out happened on occasion. For years, I used this attitude of “At least I’m not that guy,” as an excuse to continue my habits, but the truth is, I was that guy, maybe not to the same degree and maybe less celebratory, but I too was a slave to the same thing regardless.

When I smoked, I never thought too much about how my smoking effected my relationships with others. The smell, the stains and the closed mouth smile. I didn’t want to care what other people thought. But the truth is, I deeply cared but was at war with my own pride.

When I drink regularly and to excess, I lose the sense of image that I really want and yearn for. The trust that I want to build with others begins to deteriorate, my focus begins to fail, and my confidence takes on the repercussions. It begins to not matter how smart, innovative, driven or passionate I am because my intelligence, innovation, drive and passion can never leave the four walls of whatever bar I am in as long as I am confined by the four walls of a bar.

A MEthod: I am passionate about a lot of things but one thing that has held its place in the upper echelon of my passions has been the art of Acting. In the process of acting I feel confident and collaborative. For this role, I will do my work, I will find my action, my dream and I will identify my obstacles in order to overcome them. A professional actor becomes an expert in all fields necessary to align themselves with their role. These life changes have presented for me the role of a lifetime; my future, healthy self.

So, yeah, I’m f####### stubborn.

Day 7: Peace yo!

Posted on by Joseff Stevenson

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Peace: Peace is a huge thing that spans our universal ideals from our friendships to our cities and towns, our states, our nations and our globe, but we often tend to forget that it starts with ourselves. buddhastatue

If I haven’t mentioned it already, I have taken a particular interest in Buddhist philosophy recently, and it has helped me to see the importance of taking care of my own peace of mind first and foremost, though I’ve found that that is often easier said than done. Since I started this adventure and now that I’m filling out my first week, here are a few ways that I have found peace:

  • Insomnia: Since I was a teenager I have struggled with insomnia. I am an incredibly cognitive person, to the point that it is nearly impossible to control. If I were to go to bed at 10pm I would lay there swimming in my thoughts for 4 or 5 hours before I finally fell asleep. I often used this as an excuse for my drinking habits, as having a few drinks allowed my mind to quiet enough for me to fall asleep. People would say, “But sleep after drinking is not as solid as sober sleep,” and I’d say, “Well, at least I’m sleeping at all.” Not anymore, I’m finding peace with my mind, my thoughts are being expended on my long and productive day, and I am sleeping better without making excuses. It’s not perfect, still takes me about an hour to fall asleep once I lay down, but it’s a world of difference.
  • My Body: Though the aches from my weight lifting program are rendering me somewhat useless (seriously, if I had to save a nun from a burning car I would fail miserably), my body is expressing its joy in my new diet and exercise. I feel great, less lethargic, no bloating, more stable and just overall more healthy.
  • Food: This is a little obscure but also totally important. One of my concerns going into this was the extra time I was going to have to spend preparing foods, but I was surprised to find a completely different experience than I had expected; the steady, fun, and unique experience of preparing foods and cooking for myself has become completely peaceful, meditative in fact. In Buddhism there is an idea of Interbeing that I am particularly attracted to; Interbeing is the truth that all things are connected to one another and the Sun. The idea of preparing your own foods connects you, directly in a way, to a whole family of experiences; the soil, the seeds, the water, the sun, the air, the farmer, the shipper, the stock person at the market, the person who checks you out, the kitchen tools you use to prepare your food and their history, the pan, the smells, the seasonings, the flavors, the interaction the food will have with your body, digestion, nutrition, and ultimately how the byproduct (Your poop) will go on to start the whole process over again as a fertilizer for something else. When you prepare your food, you can consciously plug in to the experience of the entire network.
  • Time: Finding peace with time is really about finding the balance in our time. Sure we have responsibilities that require promptness but when can we respect the emptiness in our time or the moments of spontaneity? Believe it or not, I found that planning my life to every minute detail has increased the value of my spontaneity. It seems that when we plan, we tend to give ourselves more time than we need most of the time and what we choose to fill that extra time with is up to us. By contrast, occasions become more special because they are no longer diluted by the constant onslaught of forced experiences, they become distilled in fact.

Most of us are so used to being aggravated, angry and annoyed with nearly everything, especially in the service industry because, sadly, so many people are complete assholes when dining out. But there is no value to our negativity, it serves no purpose that couldn’t be better navigated with peace of mind.